E is for Envy

It seems as if everywhere I look, there are people holding hands and looking googly-eyed at each other. Married, dating; who knows. Who cares. They are in love.
                         
I thought I had that for almost two years. Ex was such a nice boyfriend and, even though he slipped a few times when we were engaged, he kept up the charade of loving me until we got married. I hate seeing happy people together.

Don't get me wrong here - I'm happy for those people who have someone to love and who have someone to love them. I'm just envious because I never really had that. I mean, I was married. Shouldn't there have been love there somewhere?
                          
My therapist asked me if I had ever had sex in a loving relationship. Um, no? Because I was a virgin when I married Ex and that was most certainly not a loving relationship, and everything after that is just recreational activity. There's no love in my life. Never has been. Signs point to never will be.