Wednesday, September 10, 2014

V is for Void

I have a huge void in my life. Forget that Ex and I are no longer together. Forget that I live alone. Forget that I flunked out of dental school - twice. Forget that my family lives far, far away. So what, then is the void?
My stupid therapist convinced me to turn in my hoard of pills. I hate her. I wanted them there "just in case," but she said I cannot have a life worth living if suicide is always an option. The door is always there and I was standing on the doorstep wanting to walk through. Not that there aren't a million other ways to kill yourself, but it was the symbolism of it.         
I have the worst headache, my back hurts, my wrist hurts where I broke it three years ago, my stomach hurts, and I feel like throwing up. I am not happy. To say the least. I hate my therapist right now. So much.

Sunday, September 7, 2014

U is for Undeniably

I was talking to a friend of mine about life with Ex, and the rapist that was running rampant in my neighborhood came up in conversation. I told her that Ex was working out of town and the rapist had been on my back porch. This was before he had started his rampage, so the police were not that concerned.

Two days later, I came home to find news vans all over my neighborhood. The rapist had come back and "chose" the lady who lived on the corner of my block. Two houses away. He probably came back to my house, saw that I had fixed the window latch, and moved on. (The latch had been secure but was on crooked, so it looked like it was broken. I fixed it and installed a motion-sensor light.)

I called Ex and asked him to come home that weekend. He hadn't been home the past two weekends. I told him that "it would be nice to have a man around the house."


Ex proceeded to yell at me for two hours. I still don't know why he was offended by my words. It was a compliment if nothing else. I called him a man. I said I would feel safer if he was with me. How is that bad?

I also wonder why I stayed on the phone for two hours and let him yell at me. What was I thinking?

I did not go into detail with my friend today, but I did tell her about Ex yelling for two hours. She said, "He sounds lovely. How could you let him get away?"

Undeniably true. What a prize.
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