Tuesday, June 26, 2012

U is for Unhappy

Yesterday was Ex's birthday. In a horrible moment of weakness and curiosity, I unblocked him from facebook. I wanted to make sure someone remembered and wished him happy birthday. He had five birthdays while we were together, and on every single one, no one remembered.
Ex would call his mom aound ten at night and tell her it was his birthday. His sister would text him a few days (or weeks) after the actual day. No one cared about Ex's birthday. Except me.

I would start planning his birthday months in advance. I spent months deciding what to get for him and weeks finding the perfect gift. Once, I threw him a surprise party, which was not easy, considering Ex didn't really have any friends. He was thrilled.
So why is this unhappy? Because now, as far as I know, no one cares about his birthday...or him. The facebook thing was unhelpful. Apparently, he has deleted his account. I got paranoid and wondered if he blocked me, so I made up a fake account and looked searched that way. No, he still didn't show up.

I miss Ex. I feel really sad for him. I hope someone in his life cares enough to remember his birthday. Besides me, that is.

Friday, June 22, 2012

T is for Tricycle

On one of our first dates, Ex and I went to the roller derby. It was awesome. The crowd was excited, the bouts were fierce, and Ex was in fine form. He was animated - laughing and cheering. I was having the best time.
At half-time, they asked for volunteers. Ex jumped up and ran down to center ring. I was elated. My boyfriend was brave, fearless, and energetic! Turns out, they wanted adults to race on huge tricycles in pairs, one pedaling and someone standing behind and holding their shoulders.

Ex waved me down. I'm not the kind of person to volunteer for something like that. I was quite content to stay in the stands and watch. But I went down happily, jumped on the back of the tricycle, and we were off. Ex pedaled like mad and I helped by leaning into the curves. It was so much fun. We both laughed and laughed.
Even better, we won! True, the prize was an expired gift certificate to an ice cream shop, but it was so much fun. I did a lot of things with Ex that I never would have done without him. I'm still doing things I wouldn't have done before. After all, magic happens outside of your comfort zone.

Where did the fun guy disappear to the second we got married?

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

S is for Salsa

There was one meal I could make and know that Ex would eat it - tacos. One night, I was putting out the salsa, sour cream, lettuce, etc. when Ex came into the kitchen. He opened the fridge and pulled out a new jar of salsa.
We already had two open jars, and I told him I would like to empty those jars before we opened a new one. He said okay and we sat down to eat. Two seconds later, Ex slammed his chair back, stormed into the kitchen, yanked open the refrigerator, and pulled out the new jar of salsa.
He came back to the table and proceeded to scream at me that he could have whatever he wanted and that I had no right to tell him he couldn't have salsa. Then he started sobbing about how he just wanted some salsa. I sat there in total shock. Tried to apologize...I don't remember what happened right after. I think I blocked it from memory. I try not to think about some things. Again, good times.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

R is for Romantic

Almost two years after we met, Ex took me to a Japanese steak house for dinner on Valentine's Day. Two weeks after that, he took me to a quiet, romantic Italian restaurant and proposed to me right there at the table. Ex later told me that he had planned to propose on Valentine's Day, but the steak house wasn't romantic enough.
I thought that was very sweet and thoughtful.

When I moved out of my apartment a few weeks ago, I found the receipt for the engagement ring. Ex had purchased it a few days before we went to the Italian restaurant. He didn't have it on Valentine's Day.
Does it matter? Not really. It is just another of Ex's tiny little lies that added up to an unbelievable man.

Monday, June 4, 2012

Q is for Questions

Nine questions I would like to know the answers to:

1)     Is he married again?

2)     Does he have any kids yet? (Please tell me no…)

3)     Is he in town or did he move again?

4)     Why do I care?
5)     Why did he lie all the time even when the truth was sometimes better than the lie?

6)     Why did he hate me so much?

7)  Is it obvious to others that I am still walking around in a black fog, even though I can force a smile?
8)      Does he lie awake at night and wonder what I am doing?

9) How long am I going to lie awake at night and wonder what he is doing?
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