Saturday, May 17, 2014

F is for Frustrated

I'm frustrated tonight. If I had managed to stay in my original dental school class, I would have graduated today. Graduated. I would be a dentist. Yep. If I had managed to stay in my second dental school class, I would have this week off and be seeing patients next Monday. Yep.


I have to accept that dental school was not my path. Is not my path. I do think that is was my path, before I met Ex, let him ruin me, and sank into this horrid depression. It would be really nice to not have to have a path. I would rather just be done with this whole "life" thing. It's not all it's cracked up to be.
I'm not suicidal, but I do have suicidal ideation. Don't know the difference? Let this be a learning experience for you - look it up. I don't care enough to explain it. I've been getting stuck lately. I can't get out of bed. I can't leave where I am. I can't go to bed. I don't want to be where I am, but I can't do anything about it. Life is frustrating.

I still wish I would have died in that car wreck. Which, by the way, my insurance only paid part of the hospital bills for, and I am now receiving bills which total over $1,100 and counting. Fucking airbag.


  1. Just realized tears are running down my stupid face. I don't know how long I have been crying. Oh, life... what the hell?

  2. You aren't letting your ex ruin you any more. You've taken control of your life path. If you want to be a dentist, then go be a dentist. If you want to see where life takes you, then you can do that too. I have faith in you. You can do it.

    1. You don't know how much I need and appreciate your support. Thanks for having faith in me. Bad part is, they kicked me out of dental school for not meeting academic standards twice. Depression does not mix with dental school. The second time, I was 0.01 away from the GPA requirement and they gave me the boot anyway. That ship sailed.

      I am back in school taking English classes, hoping to find faith that I'm good enough to be a book editor. Seriously, though, thanks for the vote of confidence.

    2. I've been there. My ex beat me down farther than I even realized. All emotional - no physical. But, like you, I got out. I started to figure out who I was and what I deserved - and it wasn't him. I didn't deserve that. And neither did you. I

      And who wants to be a dentist anyway? People have nasty stuff in their mouths. Reading is much cleaner. ;-)

    3. What is it with men who think they have the right to do that? I know women do it, too, so I guess I should say, what is it with people who think they have the right to beat down on other people who they are supposed to love?

      I always feel angry and sad when someone understands. I would prefer no one else had to go through that hell. I'm sorry you understand. But it does make me feel less alone.


Don't make me talk to myself, yo.

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