Ever since I left my husband and got divorced, I have been dealing with depression. It has not gotten any better, either, so I finally gave in and went to the Dialectic Behavior Center yesterday. The only reason I went was so my physician and therapist would shut up about it. I was tired of hearing them tell me I needed to go. I decided that I would go one time, just to get them off of my back, and then that would be the end of it. The whole thing made me extremely nervous – I wasn’t sure what I was getting myself into.
The Center was in a big, old brick house in a residential neighborhood. Turns out, I had nothing to worry about. My appointment turned out to just be an intake session in which she asked me a lot of redundant questions (redundant because I had already answered them on the paperwork they gave me). Then she said she thought they could help me quite a bit and she "strongly suggested" that I go to their therapy group that night.
I did not want to go and told her I would not be there.
So, at group last night, my worst suspicions were confirmed: it is a lot of work. Work I do not want to do. I keep thinking, what if I just start running again? But I know that wouldn't be enough. I know that what I am doing right now is not working drastically enough for me to be ready to start school in August. I still am very far away from being smart.
I'm still undecided about committing to this. It is an eight- to twelve-month program in which I would have to go to group every Wed. for 90 minutes and then have a meeting with one of their therapists at least every other week, preferably (for them) every week. I do not want to stop seeing my current therapist, but I called my insurance company and they don't have a problem, so that is not a good excuse, either.
I'm very good at rationalizing things I do and do not want to do. This is something I REALLY don't want to do but I am trying to make myself because, if I take myself out of the equation, it does seem like something that could really help. After all, where else am I going to learn the pleasures of sitting in a room filled with people all smelling and passing around bath salts?
I actually have been to a couple of DBT groups. Yeah, they are a LOT of hard work. But they can be worth it. With one of the groups I went to, I did not see much improvement by the end, but I saw a little. However, now that I'm in the other side (usually walking along without noticing the line, but sometimes still stopping to look at the line and stretch out my foot to touch it), I find myself using the things I learned in that group quite a bit.
ReplyDeleteI'm still going to DBT and it is helping tremendously. I just had to give it a chance.
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