Wednesday, November 14, 2012

D is for Down

I'm feeling down today. No, I don't mean goose down, I mean sad down. I have felt like crying for the past few days but nothing comes out. At first, I didn't know why I was sad, but I've figured that out...

My mom is probably moving to my little sister's state, which is eleven hours away. My mom is retiring the end of December and it is no coincidence that my little sister is expecting her first baby. When? At the end of December.
My mom currently lives three hours away in the house in which I grew up. She lives in the same town as my older sister (who dutifully never moved away from her hometown) and four grandsons. My mom spends a lot of time with them and they go over to house all the time.

I think my older sister will be (and has more right to be) more upset than I am. So there will be drama, which I abhor, ending with my mom leaving in a huff and my older sister hurt. My little sister is not too thrilled, either.
So nobody wins except for my mom. Which means it will happen, because all my mom thinks about is her own feelings. I remember trying to have a heart-to-heart with her once about some doubts about Ex I was having before we got married. She wasn't interested in the conversation because it wasn't about her. Or good gossip. She loves that, too.

Contrary to what you may think after reading this, I do love my mother. The problem is, I'm just now coming to terms with the fact that she was equally if not more responsible than my dad for my issues. I haven't had time to deal with all of that yet.
And yes, I still miss Ex.

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Don't make me talk to myself, yo.

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