Saturday, December 28, 2013

Z is for Zero

Zero is round. I am zero. I am round with no corners. I used to have edges; then I started taking a certain medication and my edges and corners rounded out. I hate that I am zero.

Zero means no quantity or number. I am zero. There is nothing to quantify my presence here on Earth. "Take a number," they say. I took a number. It was zero. Zero is never called. It is skipped over. I am zero.
Zero has no meaning except as place holder. In 405, for example, the zero is not usually even said. Four-oh-five. Zero is forgotten. I am zero. Zero is sometimes confused for the letter "O". They look alike. They have entirely different meanings. Zero does not even have its own shape. It is not worth the effort. I am zero.
I used to count. I used to matter. I used to be of use in this world. I was much more than zero. Then I gave Ex all that I was and he showed me that, to him, I was zero. I didn't matter. I didn't count. I didn't exist. Ex was the one person in the world that I thought would put me first. The one person who would love me more than he loved anyone else. He was my husband. Shouldn't I count? No. Ex made that clear. To him, I am zero.


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Don't make me talk to myself, yo.

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