Wednesday, May 21, 2014

H is for Him

Last night, my therapist was making some point. I forget what. Way to utilize our time together... anyway, she said Ex must have had some redeeming qualities, otherwise I wouldn't have married him.

Um, no, he doesn't. He's a good liar. He put on a good act, was wonderful and kind and caring and loved animals and loved his mother and loved me and paid attention to the little things and he was sweet and not only went to church, but volunteered... the man was perfect.
I should have known it was too good to be true.

He was NONE of those things. Not one. He left his sick dog out in the rain because he didn't want to clean up her vomit. She was 18 and he had had her since he was a teenager. I walked her, I fed her, I gave her shots of insulin every 12 hours of every day, I took her to the vet, I petted her...who am I kidding? I really needed that sweet dog. She was the only one who loved me. I was at work when she got sick and he left her out in the storm and she died two days later. Ugh. Crying again. She was my everything.
He moved his mother to our town, vehemently declared she could NOT live with us (I suggested it. Oops. Lots of yelling about that one), never visited her (I visited about three times a week; took her to the store, went for walks with her, just hung out), let them move her from assisted living to a locked memory ward (All she really needed was someone to make sure she was eating and taking her medication. That's it. He wouldn't do it. Or even let me do it), where she needed to have her sheets changed three times a day because she was crying so much. . That was after our divorce. I hope, for her sake, that she is dead. She was a brilliant woman, and that kind of life would be a nightmare.
His volunteer work dried up as soon as we got married. He took to screaming at me on the way to church. There were a few times that it was so bad, I just got out of the truck and walked home, regardless of how far it was. I was terrified of what he would do when he got home. He, apparently, went to church alone, took himself out for lunch, and then came home and ignored me as usual. What a good, Christian man. What a laugh.

As for loving me, well, he didn't. I don't want to get into that right now. I started crying in therapy and my therapist asked what was going on. Um, my husband detested me. Can I not be sad?

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Don't make me talk to myself, yo.

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