Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Q is for Quiz

This quiz is for Ex. Yes, I know he will never see it, and, obviously, never answer the questions. But I think the answers would be very enlightening and I wish he would answer these questions:
  1. Do you look at your new wife and wish you were still with me? (I ask this only because I was recently listening to Dido's song, "Don't Think Of Me," and wondered if you think of me. Fondly. Hatefully. Curiously. Regretfully. Ever.)
  2. What is your main regret in life? (Marrying me? Leaving me? Locking your mom in a nursing home when all she really needed was to live with someone who cared? Marrying your new wife? Being born?)
  3. What is the longest you have ever been able to keep a job? (Seven months? Eight? I know that was about your record when we were together. I remember you got fired from that pizza restaurant about five weeks after you started for not showing up to a shift, so they gave more hours to the teenager that worked with you and fired you. Good job, baby.)
  4. Why are you such an ass? (You will have to answer this one without prompts from me. I have no idea what makes you so mean.)
  5. Do you have kids? (Please, oh please, let the answer be no, for their sakes. You would be at the top of the "Worst Father" list. Just don't. Please refer to #6 if you haven't yet but are considering reproducing.)
  6. How's Karl? (The cat, who you probably abandoned when you left town, either at the house or back at the animal shelter. I would hope you would have at least had the decency to take him back to the shelter, but knowing you, I'm guessing you just left him outside and drove off.)

You know, I think that is all I want to know. You are now done with your quiz, Ex. I will grade it on truthfulness, clarity, and completeness. I would not, if I were unlucky enough to be you, expect a very good grade. It will most likely be down in the 2.1 GPA range that you graduated with. Or less.

Probably less.

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Don't make me talk to myself, yo.

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