Tuesday, June 17, 2014

V is for Version

When someone tells you a story, you are getting only their version. You have to consider the source while you listen to them and decide what to believe. Even if the person telling the story is 100% trustworthy, you still have to take into consideration the fact that you are hearing their version. 
This blog is my version. I would love to hear Ex's version of this. I think it would go something like this:

"Marcy was crazy and overbearing. I had to walk on eggshells around her. She would yell at me for no reason and cry at the drop of a hat. (Ex was full of clichés.) She was needy and clingy and there was nothing I could do to make her happy. Life with her was a living hell."

Ex frequently told me that he was walking on eggshells around me, and I put in so much time trying to figure out how to make living with me more bearable. I let so much slide. There were countless times when Ex did something that I rightfully could have reacted to, but I didn't, because I was afraid of those eggshells.
I think living with Ex did immense damage to my self-esteem and, finally, killed my soul. I have never thought of myself as special - never thought of myself as lovable. Ex fed that insecurity and nurtured my hatred of myself. I married a man who did not love me and constantly told me how awful it was to live with me. Ex hated it when I breathed.

Watching movies was a favorite pastime of his. I was rarely granted the honor of watching them with him, but on the few occasions I did, we would sit at opposite ends of the couch and I would hold my breath and not move for the entire time. I didn't even realize I was doing it until I left him and watched movies alone and wondered why I didn't get a horrible backache. It was only then that I realized my back hurt through those movies because I had been frozen in place. Ex would get so mad if I sighed, coughed, or moved. He didn't want to be reminded of my presence. He did want to "discuss" the movie afterwards, however. I used quotation marks because it was never a discussion; it was just me agreeing with Ex.

I wonder what Ex would tell you about something so simple as watching movies together. I don't think I want to know his version.


  1. Just awful how we can be treated and the X has not guilt or remorse. Narcissism is awful!

  2. I was thinking the same of my ex. I remember twisting my ankle once. Instead of being helpful, he was embarrassed and didn't want to walk with me in public. I can only imagine what he'd think now - I have a noticable limp since the accident and can't wear heels any more. I think, like me, you're well rid of him. Count your blessings. 😀


Don't make me talk to myself, yo.

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