Friday, September 28, 2012

K is for Kind

I used to be quite the stalker. I had all of Ex's passwords to facebook, both emails, his favorite forums, and his bank. He gave them to me while we were married, so it's not like I obtained them in a secretive manner, but then he never bothered to change any of them after we split up.

I obsessively checked all of his accounts. I was an addict and checking up on Ex's online activities was my fix. It was awful but I couldn't stop.
Finally, I sent him an email asking him to change his passwords. I couldn't stop on my own; I knew this because I had tried and tried. Ex never answered my email. He just abandoned his old accounts and opened up new ones. What a pain.

Once the damage was done, I became frantic. What had I done? I was cutting off my source. My dealer was dead and it was my fault.
Ex went about the change by answering emails and including his new email address. He got some interesting emails in between. One was from my older sister, who was replying to an email from Ex. He had asked her to "congradulate" (his spelling, not mine) me on my graduation. She was jealous that I had graduated college and was not speaking to me. She replied that she had decided to not speak to me until I learned to "be kind".
My sister saying that I was not kind hurt me in a way that is indescribable. Being kind is a personality trait I strive for, and having one of the most important people in my life say I was unkind stung.

She later did talk to me again even though I had not changed a bit. She told me she was mad at me because I had said something mean...not that she could remember what it was. I apologized for saying whatever I had not said and she thinks everything is fine now.
She never did tell me that Ex wanted to "congradulate" me. I will never forget that. Forgive, but don't forget. There is kind and then there is stupid. I want to be kind, not stupid.

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Don't make me talk to myself, yo.

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