Saturday, April 27, 2013

S is for Stars

One cold winter night, Ex was bored and wanted to get out of the house. The problem was that he didn't know what he wanted to do. I started throwing out ideas, and he kept knocking each one down. Finally, I hit on something he wanted to do - drive the truck out to the country and look at the stars.

I was pretty excited. How romantic was this? So we bundled up, grabbed some blankets for the truck bed, and headed for the darkness of the country. By this time, Ex and I had been married long enough for me to know that there would be no sex, no matter how romantic the situation. But I had accepted things like this and was just happy to be doing something with Ex.
We finally got far enough away from the city to see the stars. Ex turned onto a dirt road and found a driveway into a field. We got out, laid the blankets in the bed, and got in. It was great. Ex wouldn't touch me, not even to keep warm, but we lay there in comfortable (I thought) silence, just enjoying being together.

Wow, was I stupid.

A few months after that, Ex brought that night up. He told me he was so mad at me and just wanted me to shut up. I was lying there loving him and Ex was lying there hating me. One of my few good memories, ruined.
Cold, clear winter nights still make me really, really sad. And writing this made me cry. And yet, I still miss him. Will I ever come to my senses?

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Don't make me talk to myself, yo.

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