Thursday, October 24, 2013

C is for Cacaesthesia

According to phrontistery, "cacaesthesia" is a morbid sensation. I would say I suffer from cacaesthesia quite often, considering how much time I still spend wondering what Ex is up to these days. I mean, hey! He could have a new wife and two kids by now, with another one on the way. If he found someone stupid enough to breed with him, that is.
His deal-breaker was kids. He wanted kids. After we talked extensively, I gave it a lot of thought and decided I really did want to have kids. I was scared of not being a good mother, but I now think I really would be. I know I would do my best, anyway. I'm not saying Ex was stupid. He's not. He's very smart, actually. It would just be a very bad idea for him to have kids because he is a mess.

How did this become about children? It is supposed to be about my pervading cacaesthesia; about my overly morbid fascination with all things Ex. I wonder where he lives. I wonder if he's dating someone. I wonder if he's married. With children. Ah, the connection.


It is lessening, but I need this cacaesthesia to go away completely. I need to not care about Ex anymore. It's killing me. But how do you stop caring about someone when you vowed to love him for the rest of your life? If anyone knows how, please - share with the rest of the class.

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Don't make me talk to myself, yo.

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