Wednesday, November 27, 2013

N is for Night

I waited to have sex until I was married. That does not, however, mean that Ex never spent the night with me. He did quite often. We would fool around and he would whisper all of the "terrible" things he was going to do to me once we were married. When we slept, he kept me wrapped up tightly in his arms.

At first, I couldn't sleep like that. I was used to sleeping alone and frequently moved around. But with Ex, I couldn't move without disturbing him. I didn't want to do that, so I would stay still until I fell asleep again.
But I wasn't lying there suffering, wishing I could move - no, I was wrapped up in my man's arms. My man who loved me so much he was willing to wait for marriage. My man who expressed his love with actions, such as those times I was held in his arms. I would lie there feeling more loved than I ever have before.

If Ex woke up and saw I was awake, he might ask if I was alright or just smile at me. He loved me. I knew it. I loved him with all of me. Not all of my heart. All of me. Everything I was went into loving him.
Regular readers know that things did not work out as planned. Regular readers know of the nightmare that began on our wedding day. But let's all just pretend that I didn't hand him everything I was. Let's all pretend he didn't stomp all over me. Let's all pretend.

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Don't make me talk to myself, yo.

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