Saturday, December 14, 2013

T is for Tantrum

I have been contemplating this post for a while; trying to decide how much to share. It's embarrassing. I would rather not think about this at all, but decided I need to get it out of my soul. So here it is: The Tale of the Epic Tantrum, in all of its glory. This is longer than my regular posts, but there was so much to get out that you'll just have to bear with me.
Ex's temper was legendary. I don't know how he kept it under wraps while we were dating, but somehow he managed to hide that huge aspect of his personality. Once we were married, however, there was no filter to the temper. It came out early and often. On this particular occasion, we were at his mom's house, where Ex's fuse was always incredibly short. Well, shorter than usual, anyway.
Ex had one remaining friend in his hometown. I should be completely open here - Ex had one friend in the entire world. We met Matt (we'll call the friend) out for dinner and drinks and I was having quite a nice night. Ex was animated and joking, laughing and teasing, friendly and drinking... He ordered a pitcher of beer and drank the entire thing except for the one glass Matt drank. I didn't care; I was driving, and Ex was having a great time, so I was happy. I loved seeing Ex having fun.
It was around 1:00 AM when we left the bar, but Ex was not ready to go home yet. He told me he knew of a parking lot he wanted to stop in to have sex before returning to his mom's house. (This is the embarrassing part, if you couldn't tell.) I was game at first, being the overly accommodating wife that I was. But Ex started being incredibly rude, putting me down, calling me names in his "joking" manner, and just being a complete jerk.

I drove back to the house instead of the parking lot. And Ex began his tantrum of the century.

He started screaming at me, telling me that I hated him and had never loved him. (I have to think hard here. I blocked this out. It was too much to bear.) His face was bright red, his eyes bulging out of his head, his fists and jaw clenched...does this sound familiar? Yes, Ex had tantrums all of the time, but this one went on and on and on. He called me a liar and screamed that he didn't know why I was with him when I hated him so much. He screamed at me for three hours before finally getting out of the car and going in the house.
I sat there. I wanted to drive home but knew that Ex would be furious. So I just sat there. Didn't cry. I had learned that lesson. Ex hated it when I cried and it only exacerbated the situation. Ex came out about an hour later and gruffly told me to get in the house. The sun was coming up when we went in and lay down on the air mattress. I didn't sleep even though I was exhausted.

I guess I'll make up for not crying then and have a good cry now. Amazing how badly it still hurts.

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Don't make me talk to myself, yo.

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