Thursday, January 2, 2014

C is for Canoe

I don't have a pressing issue about which I feel like writing. I told myself this lie for a few days. Couldn't think of a good "C", but only because, as per usual, I had a juicy one to write about but didn't want to confess my stupidity. These true confessional posts take a long time to get around to writing. So if I haven't posted for awhile, I'm either really busy, or just procrastinating. Kind of like what I'm doing now - writing a long introductory paragraph so I don't have to get down to reality.

So, the first July I knew Ex, he wanted to go on a float trip. We canoed the first day, settled in on a nice river bank that night, and then paddled farther down the river to the campground. Nice story, right? Yeah, no...
Ex was not born to canoe. He mostly sat in the back and looked at the scenery while I sat in the front and paddled. We switched once but it didn't work, because if you do nothing in the front of the canoe, you tend to float right towards trees in the middle of the river. Ex wouldn't paddle, so when he was in the front, we tipped over and all of our stuff got wet. I thought it was mildly funny and Ex didn't seem too upset. We gathered it all back up and went on.
When we stopped to camp, Ex decided to throw his first (and only) premarital fit. He told me he didn't believe in God and thought Jesus was an historical figure who was a good guy. I told him our beliefs did not match up and, therefore, neither did we. Lesson #1: Do not tell a sociopath that you are not meant to be together, especially not when you are out in the middle of nowhere with no witnesses.

Ex began sobbing and screaming and moaning and rocking and scaring me to death. Moaning about how he thought we would be together forever and that he couldn't stand the thought of losing me. Crying for me not to leave him because of how he was raised. Howling wordless sorrows to the skies.
It was hours before he calmed down. We finally went in the tent and crawled in our wet sleeping bags and froze all night. If we had huddled together, it may not have been so miserable, but he had scared me and I was staying in my own bag that night for sure. Morning came early and we set out in silence. Then Ex started his damage control, telling me how I had misunderstood him, and that we really did have the same values and beliefs, and convincing me that everything was okay and always would be.

What can I say? I wanted to believe him, so I did. I told some friends, who were horrified and wanted me to break up with him. That obviously didn't happen.

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Don't make me talk to myself, yo.

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