Thursday, April 10, 2014

W is for Who

I don't know who I really am. I think I was so strictly raised as a child that I am not sure what I really believe and what/who that makes me now. Do I believe in God? Yes. Do I believe in a loving God? No. Does the one invalidate the other? I hope not.

I was raised to believe that sex is for marriage. You wait until you get married and then do it with him the rest of your life. Well, that didn't work out for me. I waited THIRTY-TWO long years and then found out that my husband lied about his libido. I thought he waited that long because he loved me. Nope. He waited that long because of two reasons:
1) He was most likely sleeping with someone else on the side
2) On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being high, his libido was about -12,214,659,925.

Where does that leave me now? As a divorced woman, too stupidly shy to talk about sex to my therapist (although I do discuss it with a few choice friends), not knowing if it is okay to act upon my sexual needs. I really don't know where the line is and if crossing the unknown line makes me someone who I don't want to be.

I don't know who I am. I don't know what I believe. I just know that, despite rarely having sex with me, Ex royally screwed me.

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Don't make me talk to myself, yo.

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