Thursday, May 1, 2014

C is for Cool

My new boss sent me an email at 7:42 PM:

"Let's chew the fat when you get"

Very dialectical situation. Could be good, could be bad. The owner of the company came in today and told me she wants me to head up her new YouTube project that goes along with editing her book, which is what I really want to do. Then she had a very long (four hours at least!) meeting with the boss. So I'm hoping she told him she wants me to be working on what I want to be working on, rather than the six million mundane-but-badly-needed tasks, like tracking therapist revenue loss weekly, validating client's insurance, etc.
I take on too much. I am a people pleaser. Is that why Ex picked me? The first divorce lawyer I talked to said that Ex saw me "coming a mile away." I want to make people happy; I put others' needs before my own.

I'm working on that in therapy. It is so hard! There are a few friends I have had to say no to, because what they were asking would be bad for me. With my therapist's encouragement, I managed. It's hard. I don't like it. I know it's the right thing for me, but I still feel guilty. I always used to put Ex first. I do wonder what would have happened if I had stood up to him. Oh, wait, that's what I finally did at the end. That's why it ended. I stopped putting up with his crap and he didn't want me anymore. Not that he wanted me ever.


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Don't make me talk to myself, yo.

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