Sunday, May 25, 2014

J is for Jin

My therapist told me she thinks I have parasympathetic shock. According to Dr. Stephanie Mines in her book, We Are All In Shock, shock is extremely severe trauma; "it shatters us into a million pieces and it takes some time to find them all (28, 34). <--(look at me, writing an academic paper. Sigh.)
Dr. Mines says parasympathetic shock is the mirror of ice. Some symptoms: sudden flattening of affect (me), very little blinking (me), coldness of limbs (me), amnesia of events (me), needing to stand far away from others to feel safe (is there a bigger personal bubble than mine?), unresponsiveness (me), paralyzed speech when stressed (this is so embarrassing when it happens), and whitening of skin (me)...I could go on forever (61).

She goes on to tell wonderful stories of healing, using her Jin Shin TARA method. I had such hope! I read the whole book in one sitting and tried to put her practices into use. You are supposed to touch certain areas of your body and focus on the pulses of energy until they are the same, calming and powerful.

Yeah...about that. I've had so much physical trauma that I have spent a lifetime honing the "skill" of disconnecting from my body. I couldn't feel a pulse if it smacked me in the face. Twice.
This is just another blow. I wonder why I keep trying. What sadistic/masochistic creature lives inside of me and laughs every time I try and fail? How many times can I hope, only to be let down? I did write an email to Dr. Mines, asking what to do when one has no connection to one's body.

I do not hope for a reply. I just needed to try.

1 comment:

  1. SHE WROTE BACK!!!! Said that it is not ultimately necessary to feel the energy pulses, and that you can benefit from the techniques without feeling the pulse. She said I am not the first one to contact her about this and that others have shared success stories regardless of failure to feel. I am so honored and humbled and appreciative and HOPEFUL. Gotta get off here and go open energy flow. HOPE.


Don't make me talk to myself, yo.

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