Monday, May 26, 2014

K is for Know

I had a particularly bad day today. Just a really hard time connecting to the world. I don't want to be here. I know tomorrow is going to be rough. I have to get up and be at the courthouse at 7:30 a.m. to renew my car tags, which expired today, and then get to work. I know that won't happen. It has to. It won't.

I feel groggy and dopey and tired and as if my head is in a pillow (literally in the pillow, not on it) and I can't breathe and I don't think I can sleep and I can't stay awake. I can't take a whole lot more of this.
Saying negative things to me today = not very nice. Not very therapeutic. Not cool AT ALL. Keep your negative thoughts to yourself. Thanks.

Now I can't even write anything that makes any sense because I'm so upset and it's so stupid and pointless, just like the rest of my life. This has got to be the worst post I've made thus far. I DO NOT NEED YOUR NEGATIVITY. I have spent my entire life being told, time after time after time, by people I respected and trusted, that I am not good enough. If I would just try a little harder, or try something different. You know what? Maybe you're right. Maybe I do suck on every level. Maybe I'm just a lazy, procrastinating fool who will never make anything of myself because I suck. You know what else? If I knew how to try harder, DON'T YOU THINK I WOULD?

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Don't make me talk to myself, yo.

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