Sunday, June 29, 2014

B is for Blurry

I was driving home from visiting Jailbird yesterday when it suddenly occurred to me that my anniversary is IN JULY. Not June. July. The anniversary of my divorce, then, is also in JULY. Not today. I'm not sure what this means. Am I an idiot for being sad on June 19th for no reason whatsoever, or an idiot for being sad on what I thought was my anniversary. Idiot for wrong date, or idiot for caring?
I wonder. And you know what? I really don't care. I am vaguely curious, but that is all. It doesn't matter anymore. Another thing I realized on my long drive was that the best way to get back at Ex is to get over him. Just not care anymore. This is not something I can make myself do; not something I can choose. It just happened. I mean, I do still care. I do. But to forget the exact date, and to not get upset that I forgot, and to be driving nine hours (round trip) to see another man, that is revenge.
I still worry about Ex's new wife. I still worry about the possibility of Ex having kids, because he is not father material. I still worry about Ex's mother. But I don't worry about Ex anymore. I used to be sad on his birthdays, because he had no one to care. This year, it passed through my mind, and I wondered if his new wife cared as much as I used to, and tried as hard as I used to try to make it a great day. But I didn't care.
The past is blurry now. I'm okay with that.


  1. I wrote a similar blog. It feels so good not to have those memories in focus any more. They're just gone. I'm ok with it too.


Don't make me talk to myself, yo.

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