M is for Murder

I haven't posted for a while because I was visiting family. For some reason, it reminded me of my Epic Plan. So, instead of writing about my visit with family, I've chosen to write about something that [didn't] happen several years ago. Go figure.

My Epic Plan was conceived after I received a text from Ex out of nowhere: "I miss your smile and your laughter." After I got over the enormous waves of pain caused by that, I moved on to my Epic Plan.
                          
1) Start communicating with Ex again. Let everyone know we were "working on things."

2) Plan a reconciliation trip with Ex. We had been to the Grand Canyon once, and I would suggest (insist) that we go there.
                         
3) We stand at the edge of the canyon, and I make sure there are people within hearing distance, but no one near enough to see us.

4) I start a fight. Not hard. It would be much harder to NOT start a fight with Ex. Make sure it was loud enough to be overheard.

5) Scream, "NO! EX!"

6) Throw myself over the Grand Canyon.
                      
End result: I die and get to end this miserable life, and Ex gets framed for my murder. It would have worked. I really had plans to do it. I had to tell my current therapist about it so someone would know the plan, which would make it not work. Ex would get off.

I figured, since Ex killed me on the inside, he might as well be blamed for killing me on the outside, too. I sometimes regret not committing the Epic Plan of my own murder. Life is full of regrets.